Emma felt drained, her headache pounded in perfect synchronization with the gentle hum of the Double Helix's engines. Keeping her mind totally open to everything and anything for the majority of the day had proven to be more tiring than maintaining her strictly disciplined mental walls. Now that Captain Morrison and the Phased Vibrational Generator were safe, Emma wanted nothing more than to situate herself in a nice quiet, dark corner and withdrawal into her own mind to work on rebuilding her crumbling mental barriers. There was only one thing preventing her from doing just that.
Emma cast a nervous glance towards Jesse. They all had known that phasing the Helix had been hard on him, both mentally and physically, and it would be only a matter of time before the exertion caught up with him. After safely returning Morrison and the PVG, Shalimar had noticed how Jesse had been having obvious trouble keeping his heavy eyelids open and how his concentration had dropped to an all-time low, so she'd offered to take over his duties of monitoring the Helix's computer systems. The fact that Jesse had readily relinquished those duties, gave testament to his exhaustion. Jesse had switched seats with Shalimar and had fallen asleep in a matter of seconds.
Emma inhaled deeply and released a long, slow, steady breath. Jesse hadn't been the only one to overdue it that day. Though she had long suspected that she had had the ability, Emma had never before attempted to use her psionic powers to indiscriminately broadcast anything. At the time, it had seemed like the only option available to her. The rebels had been closing in on their position and there was no way she and Jesse could have defeated them on their own. Emma had taken only a split second to decide what to broadcast and warn Jesse before unleashing the full force of her powers.
Looking back on the situation, Emma was still unable to think of another resolution, but the instant she'd realized the effect it had had on Jesse, she'd wished she could have taken the action back, or at the very least, protected him in some way. When she saw him sprawled out on the ground at her feet, the force of her psionic blast having struck him harder than any physical blow could have, she easily recognized the fear radiating from his liquid blue eyes. But what did he fear? Was it the images and emotions that had assaulted his mind's eye or was it...her?
There had been no time to attempt to smooth things over with Jesse. Whatever the true source of the fear had been, it would have taken far too much time to confront, let alone resolve. Once again, Emma had been faced with a hard decision and, having no time to debate the issues of right and wrong, had acted out of need and instinct. With a simple touch to the side of Jesse's head, Emma had delved into his mind, located the overwhelming fear, and blocked it. She'd wrapped it neatly in a mental 'box' and tucked it into the far recesses of her friend's mind.
The panic in Jesse's eyes had instantly changed to confusion. "Don't what?" he'd asked, eyes still bright with unshed tears and breath still coming in labored gasps. As if instinctively knowing he would get no answer, he'd returned to his work repairing the Helix.
Emma had been weakened as a result of using her powers for the long-range broadcast. The box she had created in Jesse's mind was tenuous at best, and she'd found that she needed to constantly reinforce it. Even as he slept in the chair beside her, Jesse's face contorted and his muscles twitched as his subconscious mind battled the flimsy barrier in an attempt to reclaim the lost memories.
A small moan escaped Jesse's lips as the barrier was weakened enough to allow a sliver of memory to pass. Shalimar's keen feral hearing picked up on the minute sound and she was at the young man's side in an instant.
"Jesse?" she called, a near tangible concern emanating from her as she placed a gentle hand on his stubble-covered cheek. Jesse moaned again and leaned into the welcome touch, but did not wake. Shalimar looked to Emma, a silent plea evident in her soft brown eyes.
Emma understood what the other woman wanted, but she already knew what was wrong with their friend so probing his mind for the answers was unnecessary. "He's fine, Shal." The lie was so smooth and delivered with such conviction that Emma was tempted to allow herself to believe it. "He's just exhausted and..."
Before Emma could finish the explanation, Jesse heaved a great breath, filling his lungs, and massed. Beneath the red marbled effect, indicative of his massed state, the women could see the white-knuckled grip Jesse had on the arms of the chair and the tightly closed eyes and furrowed brow. Shalimar knew the reaction well.
"What's going on?" the feral demanded.
"It's nothing," Emma replied with a slight waver to her voice. "He's just dreaming."
"No he's not," Shalimar proclaimed, her voice rising. "He's scared." She shook his shoulder but Jesse didn't wake.
"It's just a nightmare, Shal. Everyone is scared of nightmares," Emma reasoned. "I'll take care of it."
"It's not as simple as that and you know it!" Shalimar snapped. "He's scared - terrified - of something. I haven't seen him this bad in years." She continued the gentle coaxing with her voice and the soft touches in an attempt to ease her friend out whatever world the nightmare had transported him to. Nothing she did seemed to be working.
"What's going on? Is Jesse alright?" Brennan questioned, momentarily turning his attention away from piloting the Helix.
"No!"
"He's fine!" Shalimar and Emma spoke at once.
"Well, which is it?" Brennan shouted, concern coloring his voice. "We've still got about twenty minutes until we reach Sanctuary."
Emma shot up from her chair, knelt down in front of Jesse, and placed a hand on each side of his head. She closed her eyes in concentration until a small psionic bubble formed. When her eyes snapped open, the bubble launched towards Jesse and disappeared into his forehead. Almost instantly, the young molecular relaxed and returned to normal density.
"I said I would take care of it." Emma's voice was cold. She returned to her own chair, leaned her head back, and closed her eyes. She didn't see Shalimar's eyes flash or hear her deep, throaty growl.
The remainder of the journey back to Sanctuary passed in tense silence. Shalimar had remained at Jesse's side and had maintained some sort of physical contact with him until she'd finally been forced to return to her own station in order to assist with the landing procedures. Neither Emma nor Jesse had moved. While Jesse's inactivity was born of complete physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion, Emma had been forced to direct all of her waning strength towards reinforcing the blocks she had implanted in Jesse's mind.
When the Helix was secured in Sanctuary's hanger, Emma slowly extracted herself from Jesse's mind, giving him a slight mental nudge on the way out to wake him.
"What? Are we home already?" Jesse's tired, raspy voice questioned.
"Yeah, Jess, we're home," Shalimar answered in an amazingly gentle tone.
"Are you okay? You had us worried with that nightmare."
Confusion marred his features. "I'm fine. I don't...don't remember any..." The rest of his words were lost as his eyelids drooped and his body attempted to return to sleep.
"Hold on, Jesse." Brennan shook the younger man's shoulder. "I know you're tired, but let's get you to your own bed before you conk out on us again. Okay?"
"Hummm? Uh, yeah..." came the groggy response. With a substantial amount of help from Shalimar, Jesse stepped out of the Helix.
Brennan didn't miss the scathing glare that passed from Shalimar to Emma or the fact that Emma appeared to tired to care. "Come on, Emma." He helped the unresisting woman to stand and led her into Sanctuary.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Emma awoke to the sound of voices and cursed herself for falling asleep. A quick glance at the time caused her to bolt upright from the couch. An incredible five hours had passed since their return from Kovakhstan. She just prayed that the reinforcements she'd made on Jesse's mental 'box' had held.
She'd never intended to fall asleep. She'd wanted to discuss her earlier actions concerning Jesse with Adam and, hopefully, find a way to best deal with the situation. But as soon as the team had returned, Adam and Brennan had immediately left, heading to the Department of Defense for a final confrontation with Sperling.
Emma silently crossed the room to stand unseen just outside of the doorway that led to the kitchen. Adam and Brennan sat at the table slowly sipping coffee while Shalimar paced the small room.
"Jesse's fine. Just calm down, Shal," Brennan ordered as if truly expecting the simple reassurance and command to have the desired effect.
Emma didn't hear Shalimar's response. She was preoccupied trying to prevent herself from being overwhelmed by the other woman's emotions. The anger, fear, hatred, love, and concern all converged, feeding off of each other and growing until they formed an undeniable, living presence all of their own.
Emma closed her eyes and placed herself in a light meditative state in order to begin the arduous task of pushing away and then blocking the overpowering emotions. She touched lightly on Adam's mind to draw on his calmness and silent strength and then did the same with Brennan's confidence. She even lowered her walls long enough to access Shalimar's determination. When she felt that she had regained enough control to face the situation, Emma stepped into the room.
"Adam, guys, we need to talk."
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
"How long have you been able to do this?" Adam calmly questioned after Emma had explained everything.
"I honestly don't know," Emma answered in a whisper. "This was the first time I'd even attempted it." She cast her gaze down towards her hands resting in her lap and waited for the inevitable. She didn't have to wait long.
"Nothing like using your friend as a guinea pig," Shalimar hissed before standing up from the small kitchen table and resuming her pacing.
Emma flinched at the words but didn't try to defend herself.
"But you erased the memory, right?" Brennan asked, ignoring Shalimar's outburst. "So he should be fine."
"He sure didn't seem fine earlier," Shalimar mumbled while glaring at Emma.
"No, I didn't erase it." The words were barely audible.
"What?" Brennan and Shalimar chorused in shocked outrage.
"Emma can't permanently alter someone's memory," Adam explained with a thoughtful expression on his face. "In a relatively short amount of time, the forgotten memories will be recovered just as the implanted memories will fade."
"Okay, so EVENTUALLY he'll be fine," Brennan amended his earlier statement, clearly exasperated and desperate to resolve the situation.
"No."
"What?" This time Adam joined the other two in the question.
Adam leaned forward and reached a hand out to tilt Emma's head up, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Tell me exactly what thought or memory you broadcasted to him," he coaxed in a gentle voice.
Tears overflowed Emma's eyes, only to be brushed away by Adam's thumb. "I didn't broadcast any."
A simple raised hand from Adam effectively preempted Shalimar's vehement protest. "Tell me," he encouraged.
Emma took a deep, shuddering breath. "There was no single thought that would affect all of the rebels. I had to do something that was guaranteed to make them all turn back." She paused, unsure of how to explain things.
"What did you do?" Shalimar ground out through clenched teeth. The continual need to prompt the younger woman was beginning to wear on her nerves.
"I used a broad-band psionic blast to unlock their own bad memories," Emma explained, refusing to specifically mention Jesse's name. "It would have been something different for everyone. For some, it might have been remembering a traumatic childhood experience and for others it might have been revisiting a bad nightmare. Whatever memories came forward, they would have been as vivid in their minds as if they had just experienced them for the first time, and since the memories were theirs to begin with - not something I had implanted - they won't simply fade away. I was able to temporarily block it in Jesse, but the block isn't holding." Emma glanced at Shalimar just in time to see an expression of horror cross the feral's face before she bolted from the room. Emma looked questioningly towards Adam.
"Jesse..." Adam sighed and leaned back in his chair. He brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Jesse was only a young teen when I brought him here. Considering his rather...sheltered...background, I was surprised to learn that he suffered from horrible nightmares. I never knew if he was reliving something that had happened to him or if he was seeing something his own mind had created, but I did know that his erratic massing and phasing while he dreamed could have easily put his life in danger. If he would have phased and then rematerialized in his mattress or even the floor..." Adam shook his head as if to remove the thought.
"I could never get him to open up to me, but Shalimar finally got him to talk to her - probably because she was much closer to his age. It was months before Jesse could sleep for more than a few hours at a time and almost a year before he slept through the night. Neither he nor Shalimar ever told me..."
"Adam!"
Adam's story was interrupted by the frantic call from Shalimar. The three rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to find Shalimar standing at the entrance to Jesse's bedroom. Looking in, they saw that Jesse, his bed, and a large portion of the floor and furniture were massed. The surrounding floorboards were creaking ominously, threatening to break under the strain and send the young man crashing to the level below.
Brennan took a step forward only to be halted by Shalimar. "We've got to get him out of there!" he exclaimed, confused as to why she would stop him.
Shalimar was obviously anxious, but amazingly controlled. "It was bad enough when he was younger and he'd take a swing at me when he woke up, but if you go in there now, you'll be massed right along with everything else. That would just put you and him in even more danger." She looked to Adam with a silent, desperate plea in her eyes.
In response, Adam turned to Emma. Understanding exactly what was expected of her, Emma closed her eyes in concentration until another psionic bubble formed. She opened her eyes and launched the bubble towards Jesse.
With a deep inhalation, the distraught young man returned to normal density and bolted upright in the bed, gasping for breath. Adam held the others back as Shalimar rushed to Jesse's side and gathered the trembling figure into her arms. Jesse's arms wrapped around her waist and he held her tightly against his sweat-dampened body.
While whispering soothing reassurances into Jesse's ear and rubbing small circles on his back, Shalimar cast a look to the others still standing at the door. She would handle things. Wordlessly, Adam closed the door and led Emma and Brennan back to the kitchen.
"Adam?" Emma called in a small voice upon reaching the kitchen. The single word held a litany of questions. Are you angry? Should I have done things differently? Do you need more information? Will Jesse be alright? What should we do for him? What happens next?
Adam chose to answer the last question. "Shalimar will take care of him for now, but we're going to have confront this soon. Is the mental block still in place?"
The young woman took a moment to engage Jesse's mind. "It's pretty weak, but it's there."
"Good. Reinforce it as much as you can. In the morning, after we've all had some rest, we'll start working on a solution."
Emma complied and, when she was finished and confident that the barriers in Jesse's mind would hold until morning, she and Brennan reluctantly headed off to bed.
Adam went back upstairs and tapped on Jesse's door before quietly entering. He was greeted with the touching sight of Shalimar sitting on the edge of the bed, tenderly stroking the brow of her now peacefully sleeping friend. When Shalimar looked up, he motioned that he wanted to speak with her.
"I'm not sure what happened," Shalimar whispered when she joined Adam by the door. "He just suddenly relaxed and went back to sleep. He doesn't seem to be having the nightmares right now."
"Emma was able to reinforce the block she had created against the memories. She's pretty confident that it'll hold until the morning so he can get some rest."
Shalimar directed pain-filled eyes back towards the sleeping form of her best friend. "It was almost as if the last ten years hadn't happened, Adam. He just...I know that Emma didn't intend for this to happen, but...he was reliving...he seemed so..." She sighed and leaned wearily against the wall.
"I know," Adam soothed. "You were able to help him through this once before and I'm sure you'll be able to do it again. Hopefully, Jesse will let the rest of us help this time."
Shalimar shook her head sadly, tears forming in her dark eyes. "You don't understand. You CAN'T understand." With that, she reentered the room and gently closed the door, shutting Adam out.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Early the next morning, Shalimar descended the stairs and found Adam, Brennan, and Emma in the kitchen, waiting anxiously for a report.
"How's Jesse?" Brennan was the one to finally ask the burning question.
"HE'S fine. Taking a shower." Shalimar collapsed into a chair and raked a hand through her tousled blonde hair before gratefully accepting a cup of coffee from the elemental. "He doesn't have a clue about what's going on. I'M the one who's a wreck!"
Brennan moved to stand behind her and began gently massaging her shoulders. Shalimar rolled her head from side to side, stretching her neck and allowing him better access to the knotted muscles. She moaned in pleasure as he charged his hands with the slightest, warming electrical current and began working on a particularly tense area. Closing her eyes, she set her coffee cup aside, folded her arms on the table and lowered her head to rest upon them.
"So, what's the plan, Adam?" Brennan asked, never ceasing his tender ministrations.
"I'm afraid there's only one thing we CAN do."
"Either I remove the mental block or it disintegrates on its own," Emma continued the explanation. "Either way, Jesse is going to have to face whatever this is and conquer it."
Shalimar gave a dry chuckle then sighed in resignation.
Brennan finished the massage with a firm, reassuring squeeze to her shoulders and took his place in the chair beside her. "Shal, maybe if you told us what it was..."
"No!" Though muffled, the word carried a definite tone of finality.
"Shalimar, listen to me," Emma pleaded.
"I said no!" The feral's head snapped up and her eyes flashed in warning. She closed them and took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. When her eyes reopened, they had returned to normal. "I made him a promise."
"And we'll respect that." Adam looked to the other two, silently instructing them to drop that particular subject. "But whatever this is, it's obviously very traumatic for him. We can't afford for Jesse to be out on a mission when his memory suddenly returns. When he comes downstairs, we're going to explain everything to him and then, if he agrees, Emma is going to remove the block. I want as much control over the situation as we can get and I want to make this as easy as possible on Jesse." He waited until all three gave nods of agreement.
"Make what easy on me?"
"Jesse!" Shalimar almost squeaked, surprised that he had managed to approach without her sensing it.
Jesse winced. "Please keep it down to a low roar. I've got a killer headache."
"I'm sorry," Emma offered.
"Oh yes, Emma. You should be sorry," he said sarcastically as he crossed the room to the refrigerator and retrieved an orange juice. "We all know that you're to blame for my having a headache." The smile that graced his features during the light-hearted teasing instantly vanished when he turned around to see that Emma's face had lost all color and there were tears shining in her green eyes. Three long strides brought him to her side. "Emma, what's wrong?" he asked, taking one of her hands in his own.
"Jesse," Adam gained the young man's attention. "Sit down. There's something we need to discuss with you."
Jesse listened attentively as Adam explained the events that had transpired in Kovakhstan. Emma was reluctant to speak, providing the minimum amount of words needed to answer when Adam called on her. When her eyes were not downcast, she focused on anything and everything but Jesse.
For the most part, Jesse listened to the tale with a strange sense of detachment. It was if the team was discussing the latest science fiction movie instead of a chapter from his own life. It wasn't until Adam mentioned the need to return the mystery memory that Jesse seemed to snap out of his stupor.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! From the sounds of it, I don't think I want to remember this...this...whatever it is. Why can't we just let it be?"
"I'm afraid it's not as simple as that," Adam explained. "In a short time, whether you want it or not, the memory will return. The headache you're experiencing right now is probably the result of your mind's battle against Emma's barrier. It's up to you, but I would prefer to have you in a controlled environment when the memories are returned."
Jesse looked to each of his friends in turn before finally allowing his eyes to rest on Shalimar. He saw the usual myriad of emotions: compassion, support, strength, determination, concern, and even a touch of admiration, however, there was a new addition to the mix. Something that he thought he would never see. Fear. It was so subtle that he didn't think anyone else could have noticed it, but it was there and its mere presence froze him in place.
Shalimar gave a tight smile, breaking the trance. 'Message received and understood, Shal,' Jesse thought. "Okay, Adam. What do we need to do?" he asked, never breaking eye contact with Shalimar. He could see her admiration for him raise a notch. Unfortunately, the fear increased as well.
Adam closed his eyes and sighed. "If you're sure that you're ready, let's go to the med lab."
Jesse rose from his chair. "There's no time like the present," he said with a smile. The rest of the team joined him as he proceeded out of the room towards the med lab.
"That's the spirit, bro." Brennan clapped a hand on his shoulder.
"After all," the younger man continued, "this is me we're talking about here. What kind of big, scary secret could I possibly have? It can't be too bad, can it?"
Shalimar's step faltered and she emitted something that sounded like a cross between a cough and a sob. She recovered quickly and when Jessie looked to her, the gentle, but forced, smile was back.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ *~
Unsure of what to expect, Adam had prepared for a number of medical possibilities, not the least of which was mental shock. Emma had requested a degree of privacy for the 'procedure', so Adam had allowed her and Jesse to situate themselves in a small room and the rest of the team would be able watch through a large observation window.
When the proper monitoring equipment had been set up and Emma had received approval from Adam, she turned to Jesse. "Are you ready?"
"Uh," his eyes darted nervously between her and Shalimar before finally settling on her. "Yeah. Let's do it."
The edge of determination in his voice flowed directly to Emma's heart. They would be alright. Emma smiled, stepped closer to him, and placed her hands on either side of his head. She closed her eyes in concentration as she projected herself into her friend's mind.
Slowly and oh so carefully, she waded through his memories. It was a much different place than the last time she had been there. Before, his mind had been cloaked in an all-encompassing darkness. Pain, fear, confusion, and disgust had been overwhelming as they all battled for supremacy. This time, however, the dominant memories were all pleasant: his mother, various childhood joys, his friends at Mutant X, and... Emma chuckled and made herself a mental note to ask about whoever this woman was.
Emma smiled to herself as she thought of how much she could tease Jesse over that particular memory, but the smile faded when she realized that she was allowing herself to become distracted so easily. She'd never realized how very little she knew about Jesse's past, and now that she had his permission to enter his mind, the temptation to explore a little was almost too much to resist.
She pulled herself together and faced the task at hand with renewed determination. In no time, she found the mental box, still tucked into a far corner of Jesse's mind. Its condition was actually far worse than she'd expected. It was crumbling before her eyes.
Emma gently reached out for the box, intending only to move it closer for examination, but the instant she came into contact with it, the box completely disintegrated and the trapped memories escaped.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
"Freak!"
"Come on, Harry. Let him go."
"Why? Don't tell me that you feel sorry for him."
"Well, uh..."
"Hey, do you hear that, guys? Daniel feels sorry for the freak." The group of six teenage boys roared with laughter.
The day had started out innocently enough. Fifteen-year-old Jesse Kilmartin had been a student at the Windmore School for Boys for almost a week and he seemed to have been fitting in quite well. Until he had accidentally revealed his powers.
~*~ Earlier that day ~*~
Daniel Shannon, the stereotypical most popular boy in school, had immediately welcomed Jesse into his close circle of friends despite the three-year age difference. The older boy had everything a teenager could want. He was the captain of the football team, a straight 'A' student, and dating an exquisite young woman from a neighboring school. He had a well-toned build, bright white smile, dark wavy hair, and bottomless black eyes. His stunning good looks were only amplified by his caring and supportive personality.
Jesse stood at his locker, gathering the required books for the first of his afternoon classes and mentally planning his weekend activities, when Daniel's voice sounded behind him.
"Yo, Kilmartin, think fast!"
Jesse spun around just in time to catch a glimpse of a projectile hurtling towards his chest. He closed his eyes and, without conscious thought, phased. When he opened his eyes again, the projectile, a football, was resting in the bottom of his locker and Daniel's features had contorted into a mask of confusion and fear.
"What the hell was that?" Daniel questioned.
Jesse tried to laugh it off. "Oh, man. Talk about a bad catch." He gave a nervous chuckle. "There's no way you're going to want me on the team if I can't catch a simple..." He trailed off. He wasn't fooling anyone. Daniel was looking at him as if he were a...
"What kind of freak are you?" Harry Pendleton voiced the question as he walked up to join the other two in the nearly deserted hall.
Harry was the school's number two man. He was actually as good as, if not better than, Daniel in most areas, but Daniel's sparkling personality had given him an edge that Harry could never hope to have. Harry liked to use his social standing as a weapon to intimidate people into doing his bidding. Promises made were quickly and easily forgotten once the deeds had been done.
Jesse was in a near panic. The small private school had a student body of approximately 300 boys. Why did Harry have to be the one to witness his slip? "I-I-I, uh..." He tried desperately to think of a way to convince the two teens that they hadn't actually seen what they thought they had.
"Wait a minute. I know exactly what you are. You ARE a freak, aren't you? You're one of those science experiments gone wrong."
Daniel's wide eyes narrowed and one eyebrow rose in question.
"My dad was an investor in some company that promised cures for a lot of diseases by messing with DNA, but he backed out when he received an anonymous tip about freaks like this." Harry jerked a thumb in Jesse's direction. "They're dangerous!" He took a menacing step towards Jesse. "We don't want freaks here."
Jesse never tried to refute the accusation, nor did he back away from the imposing six-foot-three-inch figure that loomed over him. No matter what the younger man said, he knew it would make no difference; Harry had already made up his mind.
"Aren't you boys supposed to be in class?" The standoff was interrupted by the voice of Mr. Prescott, the assistant principal. Apparently, the boys had missed the bell that had announced the beginning of the next class.
Harry and Jesse never broke eye contact. "Yes, sir. We were just on our way," Harry answered. He brushed past Jesse, intentionally bumping into his shoulder and forcing the younger man to take a step back. "This isn't over, Freak," Harry murmured under his breath. Harry, Daniel, and Mr. Prescott left, leaving Jesse alone with his thoughts.
Jesse sighed and returned to gathering his books from his locker. 'It's always the same,' he thought to himself. 'Every time someone finds out about my powers, I'm instantly labeled a freak and treated like a leper.' He cursed his dumb luck and inability to completely control his powers.
Jesse had spent the remainder of the day in self-imposed isolation, drawing as little attention to himself as possible. Though he had no classes with the older boys, avoiding them had proven to be an extremely difficult task. Jesse was late to each of his remaining afternoon classes because each time he'd headed towards his locker, he'd found Harry and a group of his friends there, apparently waiting for him. In order to avoid a potentially hostile confrontation, he'd simply stayed out of sight and waited until the other boys had continued on to their own classes.
Jesse had desperately wanted to talk to Daniel. He couldn't explain it, but for some reason, he felt his friend would listen to him and understand that the mutation - as the doctors had called it - was an accident; a byproduct of the miracle cure his parents had purchased for a disease he had yet even to learn the name of. Daniel would understand that, while Jesse had no control over the mutation, he DID have control over his powers and he would never use them to harm others. Unfortunately, Daniel had seemed to avoid him with great proficiency. Jesse could feel the familiar ache of loss as the foundation of their friendship - the only true friendship he had ever known - crumbled before his eyes.
The final minutes of the day passed in agonizing slowness. When the bell finally rang, Jesse didn't bother to wait for the instructor's formal dismissal. He bolted from his chair and raced for the nearest exit, hoping to escape the school campus before becoming the object of Harry's unwanted attention.
Under normal circumstances, Daniel would have driven Jesse home, but that didn't appear to be an option. Jesse set a brisk pace for himself as he jogged away from the school. He had traveled half of a mile and was well into a peaceful residential community before he allowed himself to slow down and walk.
As he walked, Jesse observed the neighborhood. Lush, green, manicured lawns surrounded cheerful little houses. Large trees provided shade and protection from the harsh rays of the sun. Small children ran and played together, finally released from the strict discipline of school; the only comparison the young ones had to torture. Jesse envied their absolute freedom. Even after all the years of practice, if his concentration slipped at the wrong moment, he would mass or phase like he had earlier that day. He'd usually been able to convince witnesses that their eyes had played tricks on them. 'No, it didn't hit me hard enough to hurt me' and 'Sorry, it just slipped out of my hands' had become two very well used sentences.
Jesse often caught himself wondering what his life would have been like if his parents hadn't opted for the miracle cure. Yes, he would probably have been faced with a considerably shorter life span, plagued by the pains of the disease (whatever that was), but perhaps the freedom would have been worth it.
Jesse plodded on towards his home. The houses gradually became larger and the neighborhood more exclusive. The laughter of young children at play was replaced with an eerie silence. Deep in thought, he didn't hear someone approach him from behind until it was too late.
A black hood was slipped over Jesse's head and a beefy arm wrapped around his neck. "I told you it wasn't over, Freak," Harry's unmistakable voice hissed into his ear.
Before Jesse could react, he felt a sharp blow to the back of his head and his world instantly faded to black.
~*~ Present ~*~
When Jesse had regained consciousness, he'd found himself lying on his side, gagged, with his hands securely bound behind his back, and a horrible headache that pounded with every beat of his heart. The hood that stole his vision was still present as well. He'd stretched slightly, hoping to find a better position so he wouldn't be distracted by his discomfort as he tried to assess the situation. Jesse had extended his legs only a few inches when his feet had came into contact with something hard and unyielding. Rolling
slightly onto his back, his shoulder had come into contact with something. It had taken only a few more movements for Jesse to discover that he'd been completely encased in some sort of wooden box. He'd begun to kick and scream for help, the gag muffling his cries.
Realizing the futility of his actions, Jesse had forced himself to calm down. Only then did he hear the voices.
"Freak!"
"Come on, Harry. Let him go."
"Why? Don't tell me that you feel sorry for him."
"Well, uh..."
"Hey, do you hear that, guys? Daniel feels sorry for the freak." The group of six teenage boys roared with laughter.
"That's enough! Look, you've had your fun. You're not really going to bury him alive, are you?"
In answer to Daniel's question, Harry sneered defiantly and scooped a shovel full of dirt onto the wooden chest that rested at the bottom of a shallow pit. Two of the boys held Daniel back as the others joined in the effort to bury the chest.
Inside the chest, Jesse had heard the conversation and had begun to panic. As more and more dirt was added, Jesse's air became heavy and stale. He struggled in vain, pulling at the ropes that bound his arms behind his back until the coarse material cut into his wrists and caused them to bleed.
The more he struggled, the angrier he got until finally, in a fit of rage, he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, phasing out of the ropes. Still incensed, Jesse ripped off the hood and gag before he massed his fists and feet and began punching and kicking at his small prison. As the wood gave away, cold, damp dirt rushed into the enclosure. This only fueled his rage. The young man took another deep breath, exhaled, and phased. He stood up, head and shoulders clearing the surface of the ground, and began to slowly extract himself from the Earth, releasing his panic, frustration, and anger in a single loud, long scream.
The group of boys instantly froze. "What the hell is that?"
"Some sort of freak!"
"That freak is dangerous!"
"Get away from us, Freak!"
Seeing the pure fury in Jesse's eyes and fearing for their safety, Harry and his group of friends ran to their cars and fled the small wooded area.
Freak. Freak. Freak. The word echoed in Jesse's mind and a red haze of rage clouded his vision. Breathing heavily, he started after the fleeing boys, but was halted by a firm hand on his shoulder. Without thinking, he massed his right fist and lashed out at whoever dared to restrain him. Jesse smiled upon hearing the satisfying crunch of bone followed closely by the sound of a lifeless body hitting the ground. When his vision had cleared, Jesse turned to gaze at the bloodied face of his tormentor.
"Daniel! NOOO!!"
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
With a blinding explosion of white light, Emma and Jesse were thrown backwards to opposite ends of the room. Each of them landed on the floor in an undignified heap. Adam and Brennan rushed into the room just as the two young people began to stir.
Adam was torn between which of his kids to tend to first, but the decision was taken out of his hands as Brennan rushed to Emma's side and helped the stricken woman sit up. While Emma clung to Brennan, Jesse shied away from every attempt Adam made at physical contact.
"Jesse? Jesse, are you alright?" Adam called, reaching a hand out towards the young man's arm. Jesse recoiled at the touch, burrowing further into the corner of the room.
"W-w-what did s-she do to me? W-why?" Jesse's barely audible voice trembled as he mumbled and stuttered through a list of half-asked, heart-wrenching questions.
Temporarily abandoning the idea of physically comforting the young man, Adam turned his attention to Emma. Brennan was kneeling at the young psionic's side with his arms wrapped securely around her torso. Though she was all but sitting in the elemental's lap, it appeared as if that amount of contact wasn't enough for her. She was grabbing at his arms and clothing, trying to pull him closer to her. Tremors of fear rocked her body.
"Emma? Please, tell me what happened." Adam felt a pang of guilt at asking Emma to reveal something that Jesse obviously wanted to keep hidden, but whatever it was, it was adversely affecting both of them.
Emma didn't answer. She and Jesse stared at each other with wide, unblinking eyes, breath coming in short pants, and identical expressions of horror on their faces. Neither of them was looking at their co-worker, friend, or family member. Those people didn't exist to them at that moment. They were each an extremely frightened young person staring at a mutant.
Emma's mouth began to move, but no sound came forth.
"I don't understand. Please, Emma..." Adam pleaded, desperately trying to pull her from her stupor.
Finally, minute traces of sound began to accompany the movement of Emma's lips. Slowly, more and more sound was added until Adam could make out a series of disjointed words that only served to add to his confusion.
"...b-bury...hit...f-f-f...f-f-freak."
The sharp inhalation of breath told Adam that, while the words made little sense to him, they obviously had hit home with Jesse. Adam snapped his attention back to Jesse just in time to see the intense hurt reflected in his sorrowful blue eyes before his molecules began to separate and he slowly descended through the floor.
The trance finally broken, Emma scrambled to her knees and reached an imploring hand out towards her disappearing friend. "No, Jesse! Please! Wait!" Brennan caught her and held her tightly against his chest as she broke down and cried.
Adam stood and turned a full circle, as if expecting Jesse to rematerialize at any moment. Only then did he notice the completely uncharacteristic absence of Shalimar.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Jesse phased down through each level of sanctuary, only pausing long enough to offer the occasional small respite to his overtaxed respiratory system, until he reached his childhood haven: an unfinished tunnel far below Sanctuary's lowest level.
He rematerialized, stumbling slightly with exhaustion. He closed his eyes and leaned wearily forward, crossing his arms over his chest and resting his forehead on the rough, stone wall. He had found the tunnel while exploring the outside of the mountain shortly after being brought to Sanctuary. Until now, he'd always accessed the tunnel from the outside, he'd never attempted to phase through the fifteen or so feet of solid rock that separated it from Sanctuary.
"I remember the first time I found you down here."
Jesse froze at the sound of Shalimar's voice coming from behind him.
"It was, what, about five days after Adam brought you to Sanctuary? Man, he was so worried when you just disappeared like that. He was ready to call in all of his contacts to help search for you."
Jesse didn't respond, didn't move. He heard a soft click and the small area around him was bathed in the warm glow of a flashlight.
"It took a lot to convince Adam to back off and let me try to find you, but he finally agreed. In less than half an hour I'd tracked you here. Call in woman's intuition or feral instincts; I just seemed to know exactly where to go. As I recall, you'd forgotten to bring a flashlight that time as well."
Despite himself, Jesse allowed a small smile to tug at the corners of his mouth.
"That was the night you told me about it."
Jesse tensed again. "Shalimar..."
"You'd had some horrible nightmare and your screams woke Adam and me. We arrived at your room just in time to see you phase through the floor. By the time we got down the stairs, you'd already hacked into the security system and made your escape. When I found you, your emotions were so close to the surface, so raw, that I could almost smell the fear and anger - just like I can right now."
Still facing the wall, Jesse brought both hands up and laced his fingers behind his head. "Please, don't," he pleaded softly.
Shalimar continued. "You told me all about Daniel and how he died. You told me how your family had thrown money at all the right people to prevent an investigation from digging too deep, and then your father had sent you to Adam, claiming that you just needed a little help learning to use your powers properly. Even with all of his contacts, Adam couldn't dig up anything. He didn't have a clue about the secret you hid. He didn't know about the guilt."
"Stop it!" Jesse managed only a small fraction of the forcefulness he'd intended to put into the words. Shalimar was so close with both her physical presence and her words. He knew what would come next.
"It was an accident, Jesse, a terrible accident."
"Don't you think I know that?!" Jesse spun around and slammed a massed fist into the stone wall behind Shalimar, mere inches from the feral's head.
She flinched slightly but held her ground. "After ten years you thought you'd learned to live with everything; your father's disappointment in you, the cruelty of those boys, and even the fact that you'd accidentally killed your friend. Then Emma came along and in a split-second, everything was back."
Standing nose to nose with Shalimar, Jesse captured and held her eyes with his own.
"She didn't have the luxury of time, Jesse. Emma was forced to make the best decision possible based on the amount of time she had and her knowledge of the situation. No, it wasn't a good decision as far as you were concerned, but she didn't know it at the time. You have to understand that she would never do anything to intentionally harm you. None of us would."
Jesse lowered his head and sighed. "I know that."
"Then talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." Suddenly, Jesse seemed to lose the ability to stand. Shalimar lowered herself with him, guiding their descent to the ground and situating them so Jesse sat in front with his back towards her. She wrapped her arms around him, rested her chin on his shoulder, and whispered into his ear. "Tell me."
"Over the years, I've built everything up in my mind. Being buried alive has become my greatest physical fear, losing control of my powers has become my greatest emotional fear, and being called a freak..."
Shalimar nodded against his shoulder, indicating that he didn't need to explain that particular fear.
"And the guilt..." An involuntary shiver coursed through Jesse's body and Shalimar adjusted her arms around him to hold him even tighter. "After all these years, I thought I worked through the guilt, but then yesterday, in Kovakhstan, Emma used her powers and the memory became so vivid."
"You realized that the guilt never goes away entirely." Emma stepped out of the shadows and situated herself on the cold stone floor in front of her friends.
Jesse stiffened in Shalimar's arms and, despite the fact that her conscious mind told her there was no danger, Shalimar felt her protective instincts kicking in. She was finally able to calm herself when she felt Jesse relax against her.
Jesse locked eyes onto Emma. "Are you playing around up here again?" he asked, half teasing, half accusing as he tapped the side of his head.
"I didn't need to. I was able to find you because I knew Shalimar would be with you. Her feral emotions are always strong, but now...let's just say that they're pretty hard to ignore."
Shalimar didn't know whether or not to feel insulted but she decided to ignore the comment. Emma and Jesse could say anything they wanted about or to her, as long as they didn't ask her to leave them alone.
"As far as knowing about the guilt," she continued, leaning forward and taking one of his hands in her own. "I understand it because I feel the same way. I hurt you, Jesse. It may have been unintentional, but it happened. I still don't know if I could have done something else that would have been as effective against the rebels, but what I do know is that I never took the time to consider what my actions might have done to you. I assumed that what little I knew about your past was all there was to know. You said it yourself just a short time ago. It was you I was dealing with. What horrible secrets could you possibly have? I assumed that you were safe. I was wrong and you paid the price. I'm so sorry, Jesse. Can you ever forgive me?"
The silence was deafening and what Emma saw in Jesse's eyes frightened her. He looked like he had the worst possible news and he was searching for the most painful way to deliver it. Emma held her breath, telling herself to stay and listen to whatever Jesse had to say to her. It was the least he deserved.
Finally, after an indeterminate amount of time, Jesse spoke. "Your psionic blast forced me to confront my worst memories and fears all at once and I-I froze. I'm sorry."
"No, Jesse, you don't have anything..."
Jesse held up a hand to halt Emma's words. "No, hear me out. I'm sorry that I froze and thank-you, Emma. Thank you for doing what was necessary to keep me going." He scooted forward, out of Shalimar's embrace. "Shal, could you give us some time alone?"
Shalimar sighed, realizing that it was inevitable that she would be asked to leave sooner or later. She kissed Jesse on the forehead, offered a forgiving, encouraging smile to Emma, and then stood and began to make her way out of the tunnel, never once feeling the need to look back to check on the man who'd become such an integral part of her life.
As soon as he was convinced that they were alone, Jesse turned to Emma. "You've changed." His voice was quiet and controlled and the words were spoken as if he were stating a fact. There were no accusatory tones.
Emma waited through another long pause, curious about what that statement meant, yet not wanting to push. He detangled his hand from hers and she felt a coldness settle in her fingers. She ached for the return of that simple contact.
Jesse scooted back against the wall. With a simple 'come here' gesture of his hands, he indicated that he wanted Emma to sit in front of him, mimicking the pose he and Shalimar had been in only moments before. She readily complied and Jesse wrapped his arms around her lean form.
"How have I changed?" Emma ventured to ask.
"Well, I think the recent mutant growth spurt is kind of obvious, but it's more than that."
"What do you mean?" Emma asked, genuinely curious.
"You've become more confident. You're no longer the damsel in distress that we rescued over a year ago. You're not afraid to join in the fight and you give it everything you've got. You're more courageous than I would have ever thought, but you're also more devious."
Emma stiffened. "Devious?"
"You haven't told Adam everything about your mutation, have you? You're a lot more powerful than you'd lead us all to believe."
"No! I..."
"You can't fool me anymore, Emma. I've had first-hand experience with your powers three times over the last 24 hours. Don't worry, you can tell me. I think I've proven that I'm pretty good at keeping secrets."
Emma sighed in resignation and leaned into Jesse's warm embrace. "My powers keep evolving. I keep getting stronger. I'm afraid that it's only going to be a matter of time before it corrupts me like it did Ashlocke."
Jesse held Emma as she slowly and painfully revealed her secrets and fears to him. After the last word had been said and the last tear had been wiped away, the two sat in companionable silence for several long minutes before Emma finally spoke. "Jesse, tell me about Daniel."
Emma could feel the waves of sorrow and guilt crashing over her friend, but instead of pulling away, Jesse held her tightly against his chest, kissed her cheek, and began his story. "When I was fifteen, I transferred to the Windmore School for Boys..."
The End